i think its brilliant,lengthy but very good,what do you lot think of it……..
Don’t you just love it! Wish I had his sarcastic sense of humour!! …………………
email sent to the force, lengthy but absolutely brilliantly written…..
Anonymised correspondence from a member of the public
Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.
As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it’s third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it’s only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it’s side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I’ve just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this, after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
13 responses so far ↓
1 blondie
It’s a great letter showing just how frustrated he is, but he will now probably be arrested for perverting the course of justice, or whatever…
2 JediMaster
That is really funny. I can’t stop laughing.
3 donna
Thats funny.There is one in every town.
4 ross x
I like that a lot
5 mjs5614
pmsl…. nice one hun funny! You get a star for making me smile!
6 soks098
thats brilliant!!! i love it! i might just copy and paste this to my local police station!! haha!
7 ? Miss Sausage ?
That is just brilliant lol!!!!
8 Pegasus
Hahahaha! Very good!
It reminds me when I had called the police about a “peeping Tom” and it took them 30 minutes to respond. (Keep in mind the police station was like a two minute drive away from my house). Of course the guy looking in my bedroom window was long gone by the time they got there. What did the officer say when he finally arrived? Buy a gun! My response was “that’s why I called you.”
Their excuse for arriving so late? There was a stabbing that had previously occurred. Granted that was important, but did 100 police officers really need to be there?
That pervert could of broke in, raped and killed me, then been off on his merry way within 30 minutes.
So, that’s my horror story concerning police.
: )
9 nosdda
The Writer is absolutely spot on. Great e mail.
10 delilah
bloody brilliant and so true!
i know exactly how he feels!
11 her with the mad ginger hair
That is so funny whoever sent it to the police has a wickedly sarcastic sense of humour,tho i do get just a very very slight hint of frustration attached lol.
12 ariana
Sums up todays problems perfectly!!! LOL.
13 speedboat
The behaviour of the police in the Uk is one of the reasons I now live abroad! The email was very funny, thanks for sharing!!